The Red Moustache Manuscripts

The Red Moustache Manuscripts contains vignettes chronicling over a half century of adventures. Some of the stories are amusingly funny while others can be seriously enlightening. So come in and enjoy a truly unique experience!

I Am Legend?

I was at my Doctor’s office, waiting to be seen. I felt good, just a scheduled visit. I was reading one of the health magazines that was left on the generic end table placed next to the lime green commercial grade couch I was sitting on, when suddenly I heard this God-awful sound…

At first it sounded strangely mechanical. Like an air compressor or steam valve that had unexpectedly opened. I looked up immediately and seated across from me, some ten feet away, on a similar style couch but in a different color, there’s this 300 lb. guy. He’s got a trachea hole in his partially covered neck that’s conveying air from his larynx to his bronchi, his windpipe. He’s coughing through it and the sound is a loud, sudden burst removing a build up of phlegm and air. I attempted to glance for only a moment, not wanting to stare or put the site to memory either, but I found it impossible to look away and I watched intensely. Every few minutes he made the sound, predictable as a train whistle. I began thinking about all the germs he was spewing through the waiting room air. “Could this guy cause an outbreak? An epidemic? He should be in isolation!” I thought to myself.

Several minutes later my name was called and I thanked God I was upgraded to an examination room, nowhere near this unfortunate man…

Later that night, I felt a tightening in my chest, a slight burning, like mucus and phlegm beginning to settle in my own bronchial tubes. I got on my stationary bike and at first I was gassing, struggling to breathe, upset that something had settled in my chest. After fifteen minutes my lungs and nasal passages opened and I felt good, relieved that I had escaped that waiting room with my health still intact.

The next day, while at work, I felt it come on just after lunch. Body aches, headache, warm forehead, chest congestion and overall fatigue. Even my eye-sockets hurt! I hustled off to the local Rite-Aid for some pharmaceutical advice and some over the counter remedies...

That night, after loading up on the popular cough and cold remedies that had been recommended, I went to bed earlier than normal, cold and shivering like a lost dog caught in a December rain…

I’m home now, with flu-like symptoms, coughing up egg yolks, with a forehead that’s hot enough to melt chocolate, hoping this guy wasn’t carrying the epidemic we all fear…

At work, as a result of my absence, I’m sure there are those who think I’m playing hooky…

Powered by Squarespace.  Copyright 2014 Vincent LeVine