The Red Moustache Manuscripts

The Red Moustache Manuscripts contains vignettes chronicling over a half century of adventures. Some of the stories are amusingly funny while others can be seriously enlightening. So come in and enjoy a truly unique experience!

Assume nothing!

On July 20, 2014 my son Dylan & I went to the Yankees - Red Sox game at Fenway Park.

It was one of four dates where a section in the ballpark is thoroughly cleaned and reserved for people with peanut allergies. Dylan is allergic to peanuts and has been his entire life. We put in for the tickets early, but by the time we got the call back all that was left were ‘standing room only’ tickets. We took ‘em…

The section was up on the rooftop, first base side. At first we were pleasantly surprised when we saw a row of fixed seats along a long table that had a perfect view of the entire field sans the right field corner. Then we realized they were numbered seats and the SRO tickets only guaranteed standing room on the uncovered roof top and a few first come, first served tables and a limited amount of tall, free-standing, ‘monsta green’ metal stools.

We got there early and secured a small table and two stools. Not great, but better than standing the entire game.

It was a gray day that threatened rain and the 4:05 start time was delayed as a storm moved across Massachusetts dropping brief, but heavy rainfall in its path. It never actually made it to Fenway which made for a very strange rain delay. By first pitch the sky had cleared and the late afternoon sun began beating down merciless on the rooftop making it a bit unbearable.

By the second inning a woman in her mid-thirties, her husband and their ten year old son made their way onto the roof top and into the peanut-free section. By then all the tables were taken and there was only one stool left and the kid took it.

The woman was easy on the eyes with lean, muscular legs, wearing white Capri pants and a tight-fitting, sleeveless navy blue blouse with white polka dots, three inch open toe heels which provided an unobstructed view of a fresh red pedicure, and she was sporting a belly bump. Looking a couple months pregnant, I did what I thought was the right thing and carried the heavy stool over to her and told her she could have my seat. She was delighted as was her husband.

My son was impressed with my kind act and I felt good about doing it too.

Then, as the game went on I watched as the woman guzzled several plastic cups full of beer and then several more, finally realizing the belly bump was not indicative of a “baby on-board”- it was a cute little beer gut! I had given up my stool to a beer-swilling woman who was not the pregnant woman I thought she was! An ‘imposta’!

Moral of the story? Assume nothing because not all belly bumps are baby bumps and although chivalry is not dead, you never have to give up a seat you paid for or one you secured through early arrival—

At least she didn’t pull a Yankee cap out of her ‘pockabook’… (Ouch!)

Powered by Squarespace.  Copyright 2014 Vincent LeVine